Is anybody out there...?

I think I show my age when I reference songs from my past..... I am not sure if anyone still reads this but I will continue to post anyway. I have gone through 2 infections on my left breast since my silicone implants were put in on May 3rd. I have been on antibiotics since June 10th. My Dr. wanted me to go in and have the implant taken out right away but I had two vacations planned and after discussing it with my Dr. we decided that as long as I continue to monitor the infection while on antibiotics it would be ok. If the infection was getting worse I would need to go in right away whether I was in Northern MN or in Washington DC. After noticing the second infection the day I arrived in Washington DC I thought for sure I was going to need to go into the hospital but the new antibiotics she prescribed (CVS was only 2 block from the hotel) did the trick. So far I am doing fine and anxiously awaiting surgery on Friday July 27th. Exactly one year from my double mastectomy. On Friday July 27th I will be having a Latissimus Flap done. This is when they take skin and tissue from my back and bring it around to my front while still attached, to cover the area that is not healing. The skin and tissue on my left breast that has been radiated will no longer stretch so I have a hole the size of a pencil eraser within the incision, that will not heal. My Dr. will do this along with putting in a tissue expander so I will have one breast until she can start filling the expander. Later on I will need to have surgery to replace the tissue expander with another implant. I have my last Herceptin (Chemo) infusion on Wednesday July 25th. That is exciting! I will have another part of treatment behind me! I will then need to go in every three months for a blood test to look for cancer markers. As of July 12th I am now a one year survivor of breast cancer. Thank you to all of you who have supported and prayed for me and my family through our journey. Words cannot express the gratitude we have for your generosity.

I Can Float!

I am one day post OP. I have the implants in and just took the bandages off and took a shower. The implants are much more comfortable than the expanders. I really didn't realize how awkward those were until now. My Dr. made a bunch of lines on my chest with a purple marker yesterday pre surgery and it looks like it will take a couple of showers to get rid of the marker (it was kind of funny, she even initialed the markings). Surgery was at 7:30 and we were home by 10:30, not bad! The pain today is much better than yesterday and I think today will be the last day of the pain killers. I think tonight I will try tylenol. No digging in the garden or reaching up high for a couple of weeks then they want me to exercise my arms to get full motion. I had her work on my chin also (from my car accident last Sept) I still feel the bump so I hope it turns out ok. Getting closer to my new normal!!

This time in my life......

I am now done with radiation and am doing fine. The "burn" under my arm has healed well and healed quickly. After 6 weeks of going to the doctor every weekday I feel like I am forgeting to do something at 2:00 every day.

I am enjoying this nice weather and looking forward to working in the garden this weekend. I am anxious to get some gardening done before my surgery (switch tissue expanders for implants) on May 3rd. I am sure they won't want me digging in the dirt right after surgery :)

My hair is getting longer, it is about an inch long now. It does look similar to the same color, maybe a little more gray. I will leave it the color it comes in. I have never colored my hair and don't plan on starting now. I do hope I get the "chemo curl". It would be nice to have something other than stick straight hair.

I was recently told that someone else close to me has breat cancer and I was very sad to hear that news. After being someone who has had it, it made me really mad. the Susan G Komen slogan is fight for a cure. I guess I would like them to fignt to prevent it in the first place.

I am almost to the end of this part of the journey and have not really thought about having had cancer or being a survivor or whatever they say now. My Dr tells me this will hit me at some point and to be ready for it. I think the best advice is to live one day at a time and know that I will have sad days and happy days just like everyone else. Right now I am just happy that I am were I am, in my treatment and in my life.

Almost made it.....

I almost made it to the end of radiation treatment without any issues. As of Friday evening I had 6 radiaiont treatments left and Friday night I woke up in the middle of the night because a spot under my left arm hurt. Not having my contacts in and not wanting to turn on a bright light in the middle of the night I didn't look too close and didn't think it was too much so I went back to bed. In the morning I woke with that spot hurting more and my pajamas stuck to it. So needless to say when I tried to remove my jamies from my side I riped off skin. So I have an open, area approx 1 inch wide and 4 inches long under my arm pit where the expanders meet my chest wall. Now this is not skinless mind you but more like a burn and feels like one also. The Dr has given me some gunky lotion stuff with silver in it that is suppose to be really good on burns. That does make it feel better but I cannot wear any good shirts because it will ruin them.

Today (Tuesday) they started to narrow the radiation beem to focus on the spot were the cancer was. They will do this for the remaining 5 days. Prevoiusly they were radiating the entire breast into my left arm pit. This narrowing will help the "burn" area to heal without having to worry about having it radiated.

I still consider myself lucky to have so few issues with this process to date. And I guess it is lucky that I am a right side sleeper :)

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

I am done with 19 of 30 radiation treatments, yahoo!! The area has become red and splotchy and in the last couple days become itchy.
This is still a much easier process than the hard chemo. I am still going in every 3 weeks for the Herceptin infusion and on those days I get really tired. The weeks that I do not have the infusion I usually get tired by the end of the week and need a nap.

This past week has been difficult with all 4 of us getting sick with colds. We are just now getting to the end of it.

I look out my kitchen window and without snow it makes me itchy to go work in the garden. I can't wait until I can do that! I have so many ideas for it this year! I hope the weather is nice this spring so I can start early.

On Course

I had the verification scan on Monday. It was pretty easy. They just lined me up like I was getting the radiation and took pictures instead of zapping me.

I have had 4 radiation treatments now. I lay down face up on a table and they call out a few numbers to make sure I am in the correct position, then the radiation machine moves around me to get lined up and I get zapped. The do this in two different positions. Every other day they lay a wet towel on me at the radiation site. They told me this "tricks" the machine into targeting my skin. When they don't use the wet towel they radiate my chest wall. That way they are able to radiate the area above and below the cancer site to make sure it all gets zapped.

The whole appointment only takes 15 minutes. After the appointment I come home and put aloe on the area because sometimes it feels like it is sunburnt even though there is no redness yet.

My head keeps getting fuzzier and it looks blonde or maybe strawberry blonde.

Radiation........again

Plans are for the verification scan tomorrow and the radiation to start Tuesday. Hopefully nothing happens to postpone it again.

Murphy's Law

Well, I was getting kind of excited that March 5th would be my last day of radiation but then I received a call yesterday (Monday)morning from the radiologist. The computers are down and they don't expect them to be up again until at least Tuesday. Just as I was going to call today (Tuesday) to see if the computers were up and when my verification scan might be, they called to tell me that they weren't going to be able to do it today and maybe not tomorrow. They will call me in the morning to let me know. They are still trying to catch up with those that are already in the middle of there treatments. I certainly understand, if I was one of those already in the middle of my treatments I would hope they would do the same thing.
So I may have to push my last treatment out a couple of days to a week, oh well, that's the way the ball bounces or cookie crumbles or whatever.....

Radiation Time

At my doctor appt on January 5th I scheduled a Simulatiom Planning Scan for Jan 8th. At that appt they scanned my chest to put a plan together for radiation. I will have a verification scan on Monday Jan 16th to make sure that the plan they put together will work, then radiation will start on Tuesday. I am told that the side effects are minimal and are mostly skin related, kind of a sunburn in the area they radiate and dry skin. However, there is always risk with a laser being pointed at the side of your chest were your heart is. The plan is to have radiation for 35 days (7 weeks). Barring any snow storms or the machine breaking down I should be done with radiation March 5th! Hooray!

I think my hair is getting longer! At least, my head is getting fuzzier!!

Lately I have had people come up to me and ask what type of cancer I am being treated for. I guess the scarf is a dead giveaway! I have heard many stories of treatment, hair loss and survival of many different types of cancer and each one of those stories are inspirational!

A New Year

Here we are... A brand new year! I am really looking forward to the newness of a new year. A new start if you will. My family (my Mom and brothers and sisters, as well as my husband and children) have had a very emotionally difficult year.
It is time for new beginnings and looking forward to a brand new year!

I had my first Herceptin only infusion appointment on December 28th. That was a piece of cake compared to my fulll regimen that ended on December 7th. It only took an hour and no side effects with the Herceptin! YEA!! Getting back to feeling and eating well and starting to exercise. It feels so good! My hair is staring to grow again, my head is getting fuzzy, fuzzy wuzzy was a bear.......

I have an appointment with my Radiology Oncologist on January 5th to find out when I will be starting radiation. I am told they usually start right away. I know I will be having the radiation 5 days a week for 6 weeks but the sooner I start the sooner I am done!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and Hannuka and I hope you all have a great 2012!

Good News!!

I met with the genetic counselor yesterday for the results of the genetic testing and the results were just what I wanted to hear! My results were negative, which means my breast cancer is not hereditary, it is environmental. This is great news for my kids and all my blood relitives!!

I will be looking for healthier options for what goes in or on my body along with any thing I clean with and use on my yard and garden.

My side effects are pretty much the same as the last chemo treatment, puffy knees, food and water doesn't taste right, and I get tired pretty quickly. Thank goodness for a job where I can take nap in the afternoon! I only have about 10 days left of these side effects then onto eating better and exercising more! I can't wait to get back to it!

Writing from my last "Heavy Duty" chemo infusion.......

Well here I am today writing during my last heavy dose of chemo. I will still be getting the Herceptin infusion every 3 weeks until the end of July but that is a piece of cake compared to the full treatment. I will not have the bad taste, hair loss, puffiness, redness in my face or any other side effects I have mentioned, and it should only take about an hour instead of 4-5 hrs, yea!!!

I can't wait until I can start eating better and exercising more. With food not tasting well I tend to eat whatever appeals to me which has been ALOT of carbs.

I will be getting radiation also, 5 days a week for 6 weeks. I don't know exactly when that will be starting until I see the Dr. On January 5th.

I did get some of the Christmas shopping done but I have kids and a husband to help with that, then they can get my gift while they are out. I am also almost finished baking, two more treats left to bake, maybe it will be better to bake when it doesn't taste good less eating while baking (however they are mostly carbs). The decorating is done, I think I put out every decoration I have for Christmas. I must be making up for Halloween (I only put out 4 of 12 totes that I have) and Thanksgiving ( didn't decorate at all, unless you count the fall colored M&M's).

Today is going well. It seems to be going a little quicker than the last 5 treatments. Maybe my reward for finishing the treatments is getting done a little early.

I cannot believe how fast this seems to have gone. It doesn't seem like 5 months ago that I was diagnosed. I know I still have other treatments to go through but what I have heard from people that have gone through this process, both friends and strangers, I am just finishing the most intense part. I realize that each experience is different but it is nice to hear from those that have gone through it.

We will still be posting through all of my treatments but it may be farther between each post, just because the treatments may get monotonous. I will be posting the results of my genetic testing once I contact my family to let them know what I find out.

Speaking of Viruses and Colds

Last week at work, there were two co-workers who didn't miss a day but both obviously had a cold. Their claim was that since they had been sick for a few days they were no longer contagious. The rest of us thought they shouldn't be there. I sneezed a few times last week. I'm hoping I don't wake up tomorrow morning with a cold. Grrr... As a result, this is one of my more uninspired posts so feel free to skip it if you are bored.

There are things in common between a cold and cancer. There isn't a cure for either. There are also risk factors for a cold as there are for cancer. We do try to minimize The family's risk factors. We eat a lot of fruit and vegetables, exercise, take vitamins. (That sounds like the same as for cancer.)

Colds don't necessarily do you in but they do make you feel like crap for a few days. And we have a lot going on with the holidays right around the corner and with Denise's condition we have to be diligent about catching anything.

I saw a news article recently about how to avoid getting sick - but now as I am ready to write about it I cant find it anywhere. They included things like avoiding sick people, washing your hands regularly, etc. I did just look up the difference between a cold and a virus/flu. Basically a cold is centered in your nose and a virus/flu makes you feel bad all over.

Hey, It's the holidays....let feel good about things. Denise's last major chemo trip tomorrow!

Wee Bit of Good News.

I find this very cool. A little research lab in Pennsylvania thought they had a broken incubator but may have stumbled on a significant breakthrough in a cure for cancer. As I am not technical and did not sleep well last night and have not had enough caffeine (not that I drink coffee any more and more only inhale the aroma) I will attempt my explanation:

There is a very simple virus that was being tested on cervical cancer cells which is believed to be caused by the Human Papilloma Virus. Someone left the virus cells in an incubator with the cancer cells and then went back and the cancer cells were liquified. They thought the incubator was broken but then could repeat this phenomenon and with other kinds of cancer cells. Now is that cool or what? Making cancer cells liquify and go away. Sign me up baby! I'm there.

BUT... Of course there is a big fat BUT here (not a big fat BUTT which is an entirely different thing). It has to finish being tested and going through trials. Which can take a couple of billion (yes with a B) dollars and 10-12 years. The article gives a very good and clear summary of what it takes to get a breakthrough from a lab to an authorized treatment:


Steps to FDA approval

It’s a long, long road from the laboratory to the bedside, governed by the Food and Drug Administration. The vast majority of all drugs and therapies developed don’t make it. The American Cancer Society estimates it takes about 10 to 12 years to fully develop a drug or therapy from the laboratory to bedside use.

1. Preclinical (animal) testing. This is where Dr. Meyers team is in the process.
2. Phase 1 studies (typically involve 20 to 80 people).
3. Phase 2 studies (typically involve a few dozen to about 300 people).
4. Phase 3 studies (typically involve several hundred to about 3,000 people).
5. Submission of a new drug application is the formal step asking the FDA to consider a drug for marketing approval.
6. After an application is received, the FDA has to decide whether to file it so it can be reviewed.
7. Review of the application resulting in application approval or the issue of a response letter.
Source: Federal Food and Drug Administration"

So while this a very cool breakthrough and it looks very promising, we can expect to see it maybe in 2021 or so. However it has started my day off with a bit of cheery optimism in the middle of a week. In the meantime, I am cheering on this little virus.

Post Thanksgiving

Well, Thanksgiving dinner tasted wonderful, both of them, that is the benefit of going to my bother's on Thanksgiving and Randy's side the Saturday after.

I have one Chemo treatment left which is December 7th, my brother's birthday and Pearl Harbor Day. Also, I get the results of the genetic testing on December 8th. That will be interesting. I am hoping to get a negative result for a mutation, which would mean I do not have the gene.

Chritmas, hmmm... well, I have started shopping but not on black friday. I am not a midnight or 5 am kind of shopper. I already have the rest of my week and weekend planned to try to get as much "Christmas Stuff" done as possible. You know, the tree, decorations, cookies, shopping etc... I know I won't feel like doing any of it the weekend after chemo so I am planning ahead. I am not a December 24th kind of shopper either, that is why I want to get as much done as possible this week and weekend. Watch out mall people, here I come and I am on a mission!!

We are turning into a country of shopping malls

I am on a different bent today. Normally I find all things medical and health wise to blog about but today that is not what is aggravating me. It's a beautiful day day with temps expected to hit 50 in Mid-November.

Today I want to blog about corporate America - not in the Occupy movement sense but in how they treat their customers. First of all, retailers think they are doing customers a 'favor' by opening stores on Thanksgiving or as soon as they can after midnight.

I was talking to a friend the other day who for 23 years has gone shopping with her daughter on black Friday at 5am, enjoying the first rush, shopping for a few hours and then going out to breakfast. This year the fun has gone out of it. They are not going to get up to shop at 1am. Their annual 5am shopping trip will lose its luster. Its the end of an era for them. I am not sure they will shop on Friday as a result.

What about that Target employee who put up an online petition to 'Save Thanksgiving'? He has over 196,000 signagture so far. There is an unofficial poll on CNN.com this morning where 84% don't want stores open on Thanksgiving. Do I hear some dissent in the masses here? Holidays are for employees too. They deserve some time with their families. Yes you can say if you don't want to work the hours, find another job. But in this economy there are not a lot of options for many people. Retailers are desperate for every dollar they can get. I'm not going to any store this weekend instead I will do all of my shopping online which is refered to a Cyber Monday (even if I do it on Sat/Sun). Sales will be at my convenience, not theirs.


Corporate America is here to stay. However just because they try to tell us what we want and what we need, and when we should buy it, that doesn't mean we need to suck up to their whims. I won't shop in the middle of the night. I only shop when stores aren't crowded. I try to avoid the scams and to good to be true offers. I also try to buy local.

I think its time we vote with our feet. If we don't like poor customer service, tell them and stop shopping there. If we don't like the quality of their products, tell them, and stop shopping there. If they are the only store for miles around because they have forced out the competition (think Walmart and its evil practices on small town USA), and find another option. Maybe you can't go to a grocery store weekly but you can stock up monthly on the non-perishables further away and buy locally/non Walmart for the little stuff.

We also should remember money and goods aren't everything. Low prices don't mean good quality and good service. My last trip to the Supermarket resulted in rotten produce - it didn't matter if it was cheap in the first place if you have to throw it out and go shopping again.

My last words of advice is to stay home and give thanks for things you have.

Hodge Podge of Thoughts

Don't underestimate the heat your hair holds in! With it getting colder I have definitely found that when you are bald you get cold much faster. I was thinking of going to the mall this weekend in the buff, my head I mean.

My side affects seem to be occurring sooner after each treatment. I have been puffy the last couple of days, with my knee's swollen. They seem to be getting better today. I have found that if I put lemon in my water it tastes much better, I think the lemon cuts the metallic taste.
I talked to my oncologist about radiation so I will be starting that process after the holidays.

Up until November 13th we were busy with Cross Country with my daughter. Well, Nordic Skiing started on the 14th so now we are working on equipment and warm clothes, not just for her but for all of us spectators.

I will be celebrating my daughter's birthday this weekend. I am not getting any older so I don't know how my kids keep getting older.

Number 5 tomorrow.

Well, tomorrow is the 5th of 6 chemo treatments! It seems to be going quickly. I had another heart echo today, everything seems to be fine. I will be asking my oncologist about radiation tomorrow. Soon I will be onto the next phase of my treatment.

I wish I could get excited about Thanksgiving dinner, but I am pretty sure it isn't going to taste right. I was grocery shopping today and I would think, "Hey, that would be good to eat this weekend!" then I would put it back remembering that it won't taste anything like it should. That seems to be the hardest thing to get use to. When you're tired you take a nap but you can't make things taste better.

You know I really am lucky when the taste is the worst side effect I have from chemo. Going into this I thought I was going to experience nausea, diareah and vomiting, and have a thin sunken hollow look to my face. Medicine has come along way in a very short time!

Ouch! Smile! Ouch! Smile!

This sounds like a weird topic heading for the blog I know but that is how I have been feeling lately.

Things still are going well. I go when time permits for my expander fill ups. I usually go by myself in the mornings. I lie down on a table. They inject me with the saline. I have lost count now on how many times I have had a "fill up."I have had it pretty easy with the expanders and no complications thus far. The expanders don't move around at all and one is partially under my left arm. It doesn't hurt, just digs in when I use my left arm across my body. When Randy asked if I was comfortable with them, I just said they seem to get in the way. Please understand I'm not sharing all this to complain.

As I've said time and time again, I have been so fortunate. I guess I just feel it's important to share what it is like, this getting back to "normal" and the way I once was. So that's the "ouch part." It's all part of the journey. And the getting back to normal is the "smile" part. It's knowing the end of it all is in sight. I spoke to my doctor about the process of radiation therapy as I have to decide if that is the next thing to completion. She said we may need to deflate one side for awhile but that would be standard procedure.

Today I get my new permanent tooth.

We Don't Get A "Do-Over" In Life.

When we are little we want to grow up and be a policeman/fireman/doctor/teacher/nurse/president/astronaut/professional athlete. Then as we get older we want to go live in the woods and become vegetarians/paint or live on the beach in Tahiti/save the world and have all sorts of idealistic rose colored glasses filled dreams. Maybe next you want to get rich so you can live the easy life in a nice house with nice cars, etc.

At some point you go to college, get a job, date, marry, children, etc. But then life starts to interfere. Maybe you don't get married until later. Or you never get rich. Or you don't get recruited out of college for the team of your dreams. Or you have children and are struggling as a single parent. Or find your college major will not help you get the job of your dreams. Or your health interferes.

At some point you realize your dreams are not all going to come true. You are not living on a beach in Tahiti and you aren't a millionaire. Are you filled with regrets? You shouldn't be or you need to learn not to be.

If I had a preference I would not have gotten cancer, maybe I would be richer, maybe I would be a size 4, 5'7" physically fit person who never has to work out and could eat chocolate and ice cream three times a day. Yeah, right.

Life is about learning to adapt. We all have a bit of Darwin in us as we learn to roll with the punches.

We do not get a 'do over' for life. We are stuck with how our cards are dealt. We need to learn to roll with the punches to thrive and survive. And still eat chocolate every day. But, Family and Friends sure help.