Another 50cc With The Stud Finder

So I have had my second fill and am surprisingly impressed. They are kind of squishy and a little uncomfortable. I am getting expanded 50ccs each time. I don't know what is normal, but from what I have found, this is pretty rapid. The process isn't too unbearable. I have not regained a complete normal range of motion in my left arm yet. I find that stretching each morning helps to continue to increase my motion and improve my posture. My Dr was pushing on the expanders today and it feels so wierd, like water balloons under my skin.

Today was another good day,with the exception of a couple of times in the bathroom this morning. No shaking today, I think I have that taken care of by eating something every couple of hours. So far since chemo I have only taken 3 anti nausea pills, not bad!

I'll keep ya ABREAST of any changes!

Two Good Days In A Row!

I woke up feeling really good this morning! Then I had breakfast.........after breakfast I ended up shaky and in the bathroom. After a couple of bathroom episodes and realizing that I still needed to eat something I decided on oatmeal. That seemed to do the trick, bland and filling. The rest of the day was good. I can't seem to determine when I am hungry so I ate something about every two hours today and that really helped alot with the shakiness.

Another Dr. appointment tomorrow morning and one on Thursday.

Doctor, Doctor

Started the day today with a Dr appointment, I believe this is the 5th different doctor I've seen during this ordeal. I went to see the radiologist today to see if he recommends radiation after chemo. Because of my margins (2.7) and the fact that I am HER2 positive and ER negative and PR negative he said that it may be a good idea to have radiation. On the other hand because my lymph nodes were clean and the surgeon was able to get all of the tumor there is a good chance that I may not need it. Unfortunately, doctors aren't fortune tellers so we need to do more research and weigh the benefits and risks and figure out what is best for our family.
I was shaky again this morning but the flushed face was gone this morning, temp is normal. I do feel really good this evening so hopefully tomorrow starts out the way today ends. Mood changed to Happy....!

Honey, "Did You Poop Today?"

This is another installment in my 18 part series, "Chemotherapy Side Effects".

My family is generally reserved when discussing the "C" word. No, not cancer but constipation. Chemotherapy can cause many side effects, one of which may be constipation and the other is diarrhea (but you can't have both, am I right?). The chemo drugs and some anti-nausea medications Denise takes can slow muscle contractions that move solids and fluids through her digestive tract. The longer your food remains in your digestive tract, the drier it becomes. Eventually, your stool can become dry and rather stiff, moving slowly on its way through your intestines.

A diagnosis of cancer is no laughing matter of course. But many people, including our family, who go through a cancer diagnosis and treatment find humor to be essential in dealing with the often awkward and painful situations that can arise. One of those awkward moments is discussing bodily fluids. Lately, One question I may ask Denise during the course of the day is, "how are you feeling" or "have you pooped today". When expecting certain side effects, a person taking chemotherapy doesn't have to be alarmed by consequenes or outcomes caused by those type of issues. A healthy attitude and positive frame of mind, which may include some humor surrounding the side effects, will help the treatment to be more successful.

As a family we generally discourage Denise's passing of gas, but now we seem to be cheering at a moments' notice, knowing she may get some relief.

We were told Denise's Chemo drugs would cause severe diarrhea. So, we stocked up for that. But now we seem to be more concerned with the opposite problem. We will have to restock and add to our medicine cabinet: Enemas, suppositories, laxatives, stool softeners, bran flakes and Fiber Choice!

We have already taken other precautions to avoid the dark side of this particular side effect such as importing our "special" New York water, daily exercise regimens and plenty of fiber.

We are willing to take suggestions any of you may have for dealing with this issue.

As my daughter often tells us TMI (whatever that means) but, hopefully it all helps. Day 5 of 128 and mood is neutral.

Mood Neutral...again today, which is better than expected. Still can't seem to sleep very good during the night as I'm up 3-4 hours. I seem to be able to take naps in the afternoon which helps me rest. Feeling good, but flushed once in awhile. My Temp has been steady 98.8

Randy is back from golfing, so we are heading to the Minnesota State Fair tonight. Samantha has taken home 5 blue ribbons that we know of in writing, poetry, sculpture and photography, so we're going to check those out and eat of course.

Called Randy yesterday and asked, what did you order from "Pure Delight" because it just showed up? I never know what he orders and just to be safe I thought I should ask before the kids tore into the package. But he ordered a special water....yes water, from New York that takes the metallic taste out of water for Chemo patients. I am supposed to drink 8 cups of water a day at least, but a side effect of chemo is the metallic taste of water which makes it unbearable. If this works, we'll be getting our water from New York state for the next 6 months. Day 4 of 128 and mood is neutral.

Mood Indicator - Neutral

Starting out today with a little bit of shaking going on in my limbs. It may be because I've got a lot of things going on today. Also noticed a little more hair in my brush than normal, but it is way too early for that to be happening. Day 3 of 128

Mood Indicators

Randy's idea....give everyone a quick view on how I'm feeling on a particular day. We'll try it to see how it goes. Pretty uneventful day, #2 of 128. I didn't sleep too well last night, but I'm thinking it was something I ate rather than the infusion. I did take an anti-naseua tablet last night but otherwise no issues. I was able to run 1 mile and walk a half mile this morning. Mood is a Happy Face.

I Made It Through My First Day of Chemo.

Today was a day that seemed so far off....I secretly dreaded but am actually glad to have started so we can get this thing going' and over with. Very nervous. Wondered what the poke of the port would feel like as well as the chemo in my body, or how I would feel after and over the next few days.
Appointment time was 10:45 a.m. My neighbor Lori "my chemo buddy" drove me. I was prepared with drinks, reading materials, movie etc. I was very interested in distracting myself. In the chemo room at Southdale Medical Oncology Clinic is a semi- circle of lazy boys with regular chairs for our guests. Looks like chemo patients are the guests of honor. It was a busy morning. Waited just a bit before they hooked my port up. Felt a little needle poke and it was done. Not so bad. They drew blood and we waited. After a while, the nurse came over to go over the chemo medications and what to expect. We are going with what is called TCH. These chemo drugs are called Taxotere, Carboplatin, and Herceptin. I will now go in for 6 total rounds of chemo once every 3 weeks, with time in between treatments to build up my white blood cell counts. That means more time to build my immune system in between which apparently will be shot. That will be interesting with 2 kids and a husband. We are determined to be careful and are training our kids. Randy has stocked us with face masks and hand sanitizer to keep germs to a minimum.
Anyway, so we began the chemo session. First they start me with an anti-nausea medication which is such a blessing and has come a long way in helping chemo patients fight horrible nausea. Then they administered benadryl in order to offset any allergic reactions to medication. Once that kicked in, I was a bit woozy and tired. So much for my reading and movie idea. I put my warm blankie (which they provide) over me and nodded off for about 45 minutes.
I was Ok throughout the rest and was able to watch a Craig Ferguson comedy routine on my ipad. At one point I was laughing so hard the nurses had to come over to see what the co-motion was about. Randy stopped in over his lunch hour (which was great) to see if I needed anything but left after a half hour.
One thing my doctors did mention about my therapy which I felt as a positive was that my HER2 positive cancer, which means I have a fast acting cancer, responds very well to the cure that the Herceptin drug provides. I will come in for the Herceptin drug every 3 weeks for one year. We have the best team of doctors around and feel so much caring and confidence in their treatment plan for me.
Total time was 5.5 hours which seemed a bit long (we were expecting 4 hrs). Guess my body seems to respond well to poisonous chemo meds being injected into it to kill cancer. But I know I need to keep myself as healthy and rested as possibly to fight this. I did not love today's experience but it was not so bad. Anticipation may always be worse. One down and 5 to go. That doesn't sound so awful. Thank you to everyone for your concern and prayers. Sometimes I still cannot believe this is happening. But we are a going' now. Love you all.

Day One....Beginning

Denise’s first chemo treatment is, well, uneventful so far. I stopped up to see how things were going over my lunch hour and everything was late because all of the infusion chairs were full. She finally got underway shortly after 11:00 and was still receiving the anti-nausea medication when I left. Still has about 3-1/2 hours to go. It's been hard to know what to expect, despite the doctors' and nurses' careful review of everything that would happen today. She spent most of her time in pre-treatment consultations with the doctors and nurses and waiting for an available treatment chair. She did get her blood drawn and has the baseline for all of those results to monitor and future tests. She was very "chatty" so I knew they gave her something else as well.

Herceptin will be the first drug to kick things off, then comes the infusion of Taxotere, a punch colored drug, followed by a drug with a name that screams toxic (Carboplatin). With all you hear about the power of these drugs, you half expect the patient to turn green, double-over from nausea and start losing their hair as soon as the drug reaches the blood stream. But that's not the case, of course. Denise's been loaded up with anti-nausea drugs to combat the nausea and we're hopeful that they work their magic (at least until we make back home). In fact, Denise might have several "good" days until her blood counts hit rock bottom and things get more difficult. Or the side effects could come on more quickly. We'll know soon enough how she reacts.

Shock and Awe

Denise’s planned chemotherapy regimen may best be described as "shock and awe." I'm not sure any chemo protocol is light fare, but the treatment course prescribed is designed to pound the hell out of any cancer that may be left in Denise’s body.
Today we are more educated in all-things-chemo and anxious to get this phase of treatment underway.

In an earlier posting I shared some of the common, possible side effects from the drugs. They're all ugly, so I won't bother re-hashing them again. Before Denise leaves for her appointment today, she will be armed with 3-4 anti-nausea prescriptions, ipad, applesauce and hope. I think you get the point. We also researched other tips and instructions on what to look for and what to do when any of the other nasty or serious side effects occur.

So...this is probably way more than you wanted to know (not that you asked). Chemo is fascinating, isn't it? If you logged on for more stories about recipes and Twins games, I'm sorry to disappoint you as it will get ugly going forward. But since this "climb" would not be nearly as fun without showcasing more of the humor in our daily lives, please be sure to return on a day when we're not consumed with this annoyance called cancer.

It Will Be A Long Year (TCH Chemo)

Chemotherapy for breast cancer uses powerful drugs to target and destroy fast-growing breast cancer cells. Chemotherapy for breast cancer is frequently used along with other treatments for breast cancer, such as surgery. But chemotherapy for breast cancer also may be used as the primary treatment, when surgery isn't an option. Denise of course used the surgery option and is following up with the chemotherapy as a precautionary measure to wipe out any remaining cancer cells.

Many different chemotherapy drugs are available to treat breast cancer and may be used alone or in combination to treat a wide variety of cancers. Denise will be on the chemotherapy regimen using the acronym TCH (Taxotere, Carboplatin and Herceptin).

Chemotherapy for breast cancer can help you live longer and reduce your chances of having the cancer come back (recur). But chemotherapy for breast cancer also carries a risk of side effects — some temporary and mild, others more serious or permanent.

Taxotere (Docetaxol) is used to treat cancer (such as breast, lung, prostate, stomach, and head/neck cancer). Docetaxel is a member of a family of drugs called taxanes. This drug works by slowing cell growth. Denise will be taking this drug through an IV for one hour every three weeks (6 rounds).

Carboplatin (Paraplatin) is used to treat various types of cancer including Ovarian cancer. It is a chemotherapy drug that contains platinum. It is used alone or in combination with other medications to slow or stop cancer cell growth. Denise will be taking this drug through an IV into her port for an hour every three weeks (6 rounds).

Herceptin (Trastuzumab) is used alone or with other medications to treat certain types of breast cancer. It is also used along with other medications to treat certain types of stomach cancer. The types of cancers trastuzumab is used to treat are tumors that produce more than the normal amount of a certain substance called HER2 protein.

This medication works by attaching to the HER2 cancer cells and blocking them from dividing and growing. It may also destroy the cancer cells or signal the body (immune system) to destroy the cancer cells. Denise will be taking this drug once every three weeks for 1-1/2 hours for a whole year(18 rounds). This drug is deemed very effective in keeping the cancer from coming back.

While the benfits of pouring this poison toxin into your body, it does come with the possibility of numerous side effects. Our hope is we will not experience all of these but are prepared for some of them to rear their ugly head.

Side Effects
Pain or swelling at the injection site, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, excessive tearing, fatigue, dizziness, constipation, muscle/joint/back pain, stomach/abdominal pain, trouble sleeping, mouth sores, weakness on one side of the body, loss of sexual desire (oh yea...), slurred speech, vision changes, confusion and loss of appetite may occur. Some of these can be severe, but again we will be prepared.

Temporary hair loss and nail changes may occur. Normal hair growth and nail appearance should return after treatment has ended.

It's going to be a long year........

Ready For The Ride.

It’s the day before treatment, and a grueling 128 days. I’m looking for words to describe all that’s running through my mind. Not quite fear or anxiety, it’s something more of a sobering, focused intensity of soul. Similar to the feeling of the start of a mission or critical race of some kind. I want to run this race hard. I had read all of the technical documentation of every chemo medication I will receive tomorrow and all of the potential risks and side effects— both short and long term. I have resolved there will be no complaints, no self pity, and no second guessing anyone.

8 Useful Tips for Chemotherapy Treatment

I have been busy reading on what to expect on and after August 24th, my first Chemo Treatment. I found this list on the internet.

If you're about to go for your first round of chemotherapy, you may have lots of questions, and some fears. Here's some tips on what do to, in order to have a good experience, and prevent problems afterward.

1. Eat light and high-fiber, stay well-hydrated

Two to three hours before an infusion, eat light and make your choices high-fiber. Chemo drugs tend to slow peristalsis (digestion and bowel processes), so whatever you eat may be in your digestion for longer than usual, and will dry out. Eating a high-fiber snack helps, since fiber helps retain moisture in the bowels. Drink lots of water or sports drinks, (and avoid caffiene) to boost your electrolytes. Staying hydrated helps your cells process the chemo drugs through your system faster.

2. Understand your pre-chemo blood test results

Before you have each round of chemo, you will have a blood test which is called a CBC: Complete Blood Count. This will show the counts for your red and white blood cells, in comparison with healthy counts. If your counts are too low, having chemo may not be safe. Ask your nurse to show you the CBC results and explain them to you. Ask for a copy, and keep it with your records in your health notebook.

3. Ask questions about every drug

Every chemotherapy infusion includes a mix of drugs. Some are actually cancer-killing drugs, others are medications which help allieviate side effects. Ask questions about all of the drugs:

What is this?
What side effects may it have?
What will this feel like?
How do I cope with this?
Who do I call if I have problems with this?
How does this help kill the cancer cells?

4. Take your Pre and post-chemo medications on time

If you've been given a prescription for pre or post-chemo medications, get clear instructions on how and when to take these. Some of these will be to prevent nausea and vomiting, and must be taken on time. Nausea medications are preventative, so taking them after you feel sick won't help very much. Taking them before you feel sick is the most effective.

5. Drink 8 ounces of water every hour

Chemo drugs are very drying to your body's tissues, and the drug will be going to every cell you have. Right after an infusion, drink 8 ounces of water every hour until bedtime. Avoid caffiene, as it is also drying and may cause you to feel worse. One other benefit of drinking this much water is that it will help your body to process and flush the chemo drugs out of your system sooner, so you can start to recover sooner, too.

6. Plan on having a supportive person nearby

After you've had your first infusion, you may feel well enough to drive yourself home, but in case you don't, plan to have a supportive person - a chemo buddy - go with you to drive.

7. Track your side effects

If you have side effects that are bothersome; such as nausea, vomiting, rash, swelling, or unusual pain around the injection site, note these down. Your doctor or nurse will need to know how often you're having problems, how severe they are, and how you're coping. If you have notes to refer to when you visit the doctor, they can more accurately help you deal with the problems.

8. Allow for fatigue and recovery

The day after your first treatment, you may feel tired or very fatigued. Plan on resting, as this gives your body the chance to respond to the chemotherapy, and begin the recovery cycle. Remember that chemo affects every cell in your body. Stay well-hydrated by drinking lots of water or juice. If you feel "fuzzy brained" from the medications, try a hot tub soak. Do keep in mind that all the side effects are temporary, and that during recovery you will soon feel better.

Missing The Big Picture

A friend was telling me the other day about a friend of his who was just diagnosed with breast cancer and was refusing chemo - because she didn't want to lose her hair. I think she is missing the big picture. She can make a trade here - lose your hair and keep your life. Multiple doctors have recommended chemo to her and she still says no.

I also think she is in that stage called 'denial'. She needs to move on to the anger, bargaining, depression and then acceptance stages. Its not an easy transition and it certainly doesn't happen over night. My friend was going to talk to her some more and find out about her cancer stage and other factors in her diagnosis.

I have thought about this for a few days and think there is some fault of the doctors here (or maybe she just isn't hearing what they say). Part of a doctor's job is to communicate to the patient what are the risks and benefits of a course of treatment.

If a doctor is recommending a potentially life saving treatment and the patient is refusing it, part of the discussion should be what happens if you don't do it.

My oncologist sat down with me and went through the risk reduction benefits of each stage of my treatment. Maybe I pushed her more to explain it to me but she did and I could see the benefit.

Looking back I think that I was still in the denial/anger/bargaining stages and trying to make decisions. Actually I was being cleverly led down the path of least resistance to go through all treatments. They made it easy for me to say yes and hard to say no, maybe I was quicker to pick up the big picture.

Its not about wigs, hair loss, scars, lymphedema, insomnia, nausea, constipation, neuropathy, and all those other lovely side effects/results of cancer treatment. Its about being around to live and enjoy life.

Thoughts On Hair Loss

I was told it there was only a 10% chance I'll be losing my hair but it seems inevitable with the reading I've been doing of others on the same type of chemo regimen. But if it does happen it should grow back - 6 - 8 weeks from when I am done with chemo - so February. (As Randy puts it, some family members have hair that has fallen out over a long period of time but mine will grown back!) anyhow, my preference for hair loss would be:

First anything that is normally tweezed or shaved. That is the unwanted stuff any way. Second, any and all gray hair, run away, flee, leave, go, be gone! Third, any none essential hair - like the hair on your arms - you don't really need it anyway. Last of all should be the hair on your head.

Roasted Butternut Squash With Apples

As soon as I posted one recipe, another great looking apple recipe hits my mailbox. Oh.... the wonders of the internet and Apples!.

INGREDIENTS
1 pound butternut squash, peeled, seeded and cubed
1 teaspoon canola oil
1 1/2 teaspoons pumpkin-pie spice mix
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
1/4 cup maple syrup
2 Granny Smith apples, cored and cut into 1/2-inch cubes
1/4 cup chopped pecans

PREPARATION

Heat oven to 400°F. Mix squash with oil in a bowl. Add spice mix; toss. Spread squash on an ungreased baking sheet; bake 15 minutes or until squash turns golden brown at the edges. In a bowl, mix vinegar and syrup; pour over squash. Bake 5 minutes. Combine apples, pecans and squash in a bowl. Let cool; serves 4.

The Skinny

203 calories per serving, 6.5 g fat (0.6 g saturated), 39 g carbs, 3.7 g fiber, 1.9 g protein

APPLE- PYLLO Strudel

One of the unrealized benefits of doing a blog such as this is all the comments and emails you receive with little tidbits of information. I received this recipe from a loyal reader and it sounded good enough that I thought I would post it here. (2280 hits to our little blog so far..)

Take a bite out of your breast cancer risk by chomping on an apple! Cornell researchers have published six studies in just the last year showing that eating apples can lower your risk of breast cancer. Their most recent report revealed that fresh apple abstract actually helped to shrink tumors in rats. Wow!

INGREDIENTS

6 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and cut into 1/4-inch slices
1/2 cup dried cranberries or cherries
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
6 sheets phyllo dough, thawed
Vegetable-oil cooking spray
1/2 cup amaretti cookie or graham cracker crumbs
1/2 cup fresh or frozen raspberries (thawed)
12 oz nonfat vanilla yogurt (optional)

PREPARATION
Heat oven to 350°F. In a 12-inch nonstick pan over medium heat, cook apples with dried fruit, sugar and cinnamon until tender, about 10 minutes. Let cool, reserving liquid for optional sauce. Layer 2 phyllo sheets on top of each other. Coat top of phyllo layer with cooking spray; sprinkle with 1/3 of cookie crumbs. Layer 2 more sheets of phyllo on top, coat with cooking spray, then crumbs; repeat once more. Spread apple mixture on top; roll up from the shorter end. Coat a cookie sheet with cooking spray. Place strudel on sheet and bake 25 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool. Cut into 8 pieces. Place a slice on each plate; top with berries. Optional sauce: Mix yogurt with reserved liquid and drizzle over slices. Serves 8

The Skinny
240 calories per serving, 1.5 g fat (0.3 g saturated), 57 g carbs, 2.7 g fiber, 1.7 g protein

Mayo Clinic Receives FDA Approval on Breast Cancer Drug Trials

Mayo Clinic has received approval from the Food and Drug Administration to test two vaccines against cancer.The drugs are designed to prevent recurrence of ovarian and breast cancer and "mobilize the body's defense mechanisms to destroy malignant cells," according to Mayo.The vaccines are among the first aimed at preventing cancer recurrence and mean Mayo researchers will be allowed to undertake Phase I clinical trials in women who have already been treated for cancer. This early-phase study will check to see if the vaccines can be given to patients safely after cancer treatment, said researcher Keith Knutson, who developed the vaccine at Mayo with a team of colleagues.

According to Mayo's announcement, one vaccine targets a protein abundant in both breast and ovarian cancer cells.The vaccine teaches the body's immune system to detect and eliminate diseased cells, Mayo Clinic says. Because the protein is typical of nearly all breast and ovarian tumors, the vaccine is the first that might be applicable to most patients instead of only sub-populations with distinct types of cancer, researchers believe.The second vaccine will be given to study participants after the patients get standard chemotherapy.Knutson cautions that the development of any drug is a multi-stage process. FDA "investigational" approval means the clinic had sufficient evidence to show the vaccine merits human testing, he said in an interview.About 25 women will be included in the first group of study participants, Knutson said. Researchers will watch for side effects of the vaccine and also want to make sure that the patients exhibit an immune response, necessary for an effective vaccine.

If Phase 1 is successful, researchers will move to a Phase 2, double-blind study, to determine whether the vaccine prevents cancer recurrence.Knutson said animal models at Mayo have been successful. Researchers need to show the same in humans, though, because the effect on mice is not necessarily transferable to humans.Phase 1 results are likely to be published in 2014, Knutson said. Researchers will be alerted before then if side effects appear. Knutson expects the first 25 patients to be immunized between the end of 2011 and the end of 2013.

Fill'er Up...Ethel !

Many women who have undergone double masectomies, also do some sort of breast reconstruction. There are a few different types, but I choose Tissue Expanders followed by silicone implants. I know many of you may be gasping at the thought of the illustration and me just mentioning this stuff on the world wide web. But I feel strongly in using this blog for educating my friends as well as giving them information on what I'm going thru.

This illustration shows a cross-section of the chest wall. Red indicates chest wall muscle, yellow shows the position of ribs, pink is used for skin layer, and blue represents the implant. A: Before implant placement. B: Implant placed in muscle pocket. C: Implant expanded within stretched muscle and skin.

The plastic surgeon will use the chest muscles to create a pocket that will hold the implant. If there is enough space and skin for the permanent, full-sized implant, it can be placed at this time. But if the muscles are tight and there is not enough skin cover the new breast mound, an expandable implant or tissue expander will be placed.

I had my first breast/tissue-expander fills this afternoon, a whopping 50cc of saline. I popped a couple acetaminophen to calm the nerves. Nurse Ethel used her stud finder to locate the magnetic spot on the expanders. This is where the doctor sticks a large needle into the self sealing patch of the tissue expander under my skin and slowly fills it with the saline solution. It takes just a minute or two, I don't like needles so I couldn't watch. It's a very odd sensation, feeling it expand. I COULD feel my chest expanding, it was like feeling a balloon get blown up. It didn't hurt - it was just a weird feeling, kind of a pressure.

Exercise is Good.

Perhaps I was actually doing something right. Before treatment I would run 3 miles and walk one 6 days a week. Even in recent weeks after surgery, I went for a daily walk. I would drag my body outdoors to get some fresh air and exercise for about a 30 minute walk. The only days I didn't go for a walk was when I was hospitalized and one week after surgery. I may have been walking slower than before diagnosis, but I was moving.

I was always encouraged to do so by the doctors and nurses. Other people would look at me like I grew two heads - you mean you didn't stay home and take a nap? At the time I was doing it because it was part of my daily routine to go for a walk and cancer wasn't going to upset my routines - even if it screwed up the rest of my life. In addition, it will help with that lovely treatment side effect - constipation - that they never told you about, once chemo begins.

Now, perhaps it looks like I was doing something right after all - they (the omnipresent) are recommending that exercise be part of cancer treatment. Patients should no longer be told to take it easy. Of course there is disagreement about how much benefit there is - whether it is a 40% reduction in the risk of recurrence for breast cancer or less - but they all agree exercise is good.

State Fair Projects

Things seem to be slowing down some and not so hectic. Doctor procedures and appointments are getting fewer and fewer with Denise's next scheduled procedure set for this Wednesday.

The last couple of days have been spent helping Samantha with her State Fair projects. This year she will be entering photography (examples), a couple of written stories and new this year a paper mache' piece. Entries are due tomorrow so Denise has been busy framing and getting everything organized....just staying busy.

Roller Coasters

I hate roller coasters. In fact, I hate most amusement rides, but I hate roller coasters in particular. My stomach and roller coasters don't mix well.

Yes, I know that roller coasters are an over-used metaphor for the ups and downs of a person's life. But I can't help but use that metaphor right about now. In these days leading up to the start of Denise’s chemo treatment, it's as if our "cancer journey" is making the slow climb up the tracks to the crest of the first drop down the steepest hill. For Denise, that steep hill is her upcoming chemo treatment. The ride to the top is long and slow -- how better to build the anticipation and anxiety. As we climb, we can see the top, but we can't see what lies over the crest of the hill, which adds to the anxiety and uncertainty. But when we reach the top...away we go! In an instant, we're speeding down the hill. Whoosh! Your stomach muscles tighten (OK, mine do) and you brace yourself (OK, I do) as you fly along the tracks. From there you careen around sharp turns and up and down more hills. We can expect a similiar experience in the days ahead. And what about those who are also on board who have their arms raised high in the air? I think they must be the cancer survivors who have been through this before and who raise their arms as if to say "I've beat cancer" and it will be alright! Or perhaps they are all of our friends who have raised their arms high in the air as a sign of their support. Just as I know that I get off a real roller coaster in one piece -- shaken and dazed a bit -- I know that we will get off this roller coaster in one piece. Shaken and dazed, but in one piece.

Taking Up Arms Against Breast Cancer !

The worst, worst, worst, worst part of cancer treatment is the waiting. First it's the 'oh, this is a lump/lesion/something yucky*', wait until we can tell you what it is; then it's the wait for surgery, wait for path report, wait for test, wait for test results, repeat last two steps several times, wait for next surgery, wait for next path report, wait for stupid drain, wait for doctor appt, wait for test, and now we are at the 'wait for chemo to start' stage.

Chemo looks like such a piece of cake - NOT! I should preface this by saying that some people sail through chemo with no side effects but most people experience them. I read about one one woman who said her only side effect was she lost her hair. I am not sure I would use the world ONLY for that. I have six rounds with my "cocktail" which will last eighteen weeks. These rounds are three weeks apart so they start August 24 and should end by Christmas. Chemo works by going after fast growing cells, which cancer cells are. However, other fast growing cells in your body are: hair, stomach lining, white blood cells, red blood cells, finger nails, skin, and a few others. As a result, the side effects to look forward to are:

Hair loss - two weeks from first chemo it usually goes in a matter of days on or about day 14. There is hope I will only have thinning with the first rounds and the slightest of chances I would not lose any. Randy has been preparing me by purchasing Pink hat after Pink hat. I now have six of them....I tell him I can only wear one at a time!

Nausea - is it possible to have nausea for four months? They can give you a shot for it or possibly a pill. Then another drug to cover the side effects of the first drug.

Low white blood count - susceptible to infection, stay away from crowds, avoid places like the gym where germs breed. This is why I will get my teeth cleaned before Chemo begins. They can give you a shot for this.

Low red blood count - anemia and fatigue. Too tired to do anything. They can also give you a shot for this.

Constipation or diarrhea - well I guess you can't have both. :-p

Mouth sores/thrush - so you don't want to eat. I have a special mouth rinse for this and can get a prescription from my dentist.

Bad taste - you get a bad taste in your mouth and nothing tastes good. They actually say stay away from your favorite foods because if you eat them with a bad taste in your mouth you may never like them again. I think I may take up eating tofu - lean protein and I can't stand the taste. Also, Ensure shakes are recommended. Yuck! I don't plan on cooking for the next four months.

Weight gain - apparently something like 50% of women on chemo gain weight even though food tastes like crap, nausea, and constipation or diarrhea. Go figure. Steroidal water retention.

I will be given chemo in doses every three weeks. Apparently, the first week you feel like crap, the second week a little better, and then the third week almost human.

(*Yucky is a highly technical term referring to many different types of medical conditions and procedures.)

Chemo Cocktail Conehead....The 3 C's

Taxotere, Carboplatin and Herceptin are the medications that make up the TCH Chemotherapy regimen. In patients with HER2+ which I have, the preferred chemotherapy combinations with Herceptin (trastuzumab) are:
Taxotere with or without carboplatin. I’ll blog about these specific drugs later.

Basically I must get poison put into my bloodstream so I can be absolutely sure all of the cancer is gone, in other words, a precaution. The very thought of chemo makes me nauseous, it makes my heart race, it makes me shake in fear. I am just certain that I will be the 1 in whatever statistic that has a severe allergic reaction, I cannot calm that fear or make it go away. All I can do is cross my fingers and pray that everything goes good on August 24th (my first chemo). I am fortunate to work with the best oncology nurses and doctors around here but they can only calm your fears so much. I know in my heart that all will be ok, I am just not really looking forward to being sick, or losing my hair. But hey, If I should lose my hair , It would happen sometime in October, which clearly means that I am going to have the BEST Halloween costume and not have to spend any money. What is more frightening for a child to see than a lady handing out candy with no hair, a port, and missing boobs?

I've got a Port opposite my Starboard Side !

I spent most of the day at the hospital again today. Randy dropped me off at 7:00am for my first EKG Ultrasound heart test. Doctors will monitor my heart while they administer Chemotherapy and will use today’s test as a baseline. Then it was off to another surgical procedure. I’ve been thinking long and hard about which is worse: getting ready for surgery or the actual surgery itself. I think I’ve got a winner: it’s the surgery prep — the “Here’s a list of what you have to do. Oh, and nothing to eat or drink after midnight!”

I’ve lost count of the number of procedures and preps I’ve had to do in the 29 days since I first found the lump. Today’s surgery wasn’t scheduled until 11:30 a.m. Typically, surgeries require fasting 8 hours prior. But because the schedule was in flux — they might decide at the last minute to take me earlier in the day — midnight was my deadline for no food.

Not a biggie in the food department. But not to be able to take a drink of H2O? That was like some sort of twisted Chinese water torture. I caught myself in the bathroom this morning, looking longingly at the faucet, wondering if I could sneak just a tiny sip. Surely I could keep this dirty little secret. No one had to know.

After all, a little sip of water couldn’t possibly be the dividing line in a successful surgery. Could it? I felt like a recovering alcoholic, tempted almost beyond the brink.

In the end, I chose the high road. I closed the bathroom door and avoided the kitchen. No agua for me. This surgery was simply too important to risk compromising. And it paid off.

Everything went like clockwork. Some anti-nausea drugs added to my anesthetic cocktail did the trick, and I made it through recovery without incident. I happily sucked down ginger ale and chewed on soda crackers all the way home.

The port is in and there’s a two-inch incision just below my left shoulder. My surgeon even worked around the outline of one of my summer tank tops so that the port won’t show!

This is a picture of the very port I now have hidden beneath my skin, at the top of my left breast in order to receive my chemotherapy cocktail. It’s maybe 1/2 inch in diameter and the thickness of three nickels. This is how it works: the tube connects it to my heart, by way of a big vein in my chest. It’s part of me now. I wished that the purple were glow-in-the-dark purple, and that is showed through my skin in the dark. That would be cool.

If I didn’t have this port, they’d have to put the cocktail straight into my arm. Getting chemo in the arm is the Dirty Harry, “Go ahead, make my day,” psychopathic way to get chemotherapy, from what I hear. The nurses cringe when they talk about it, as if they don’t like giving it like that anymore than people like getting it like that. Something about blood clots, burned skin, melted veins…let’s not talk about it…

I suppose I’m grateful, then, for this funny looking thing sticking out of my chest. It looks pretty stupid, though. They tell me I’ll have to keep it in for quite awhile after chemo is all over, Or until my new twins are fitted.

Randy had me home by 2:00....and back to the routine.

Positive News for Leukemia Patients

A small medical study out today is generating a huge amount of excitement among cancer researchers. For the first time, scientists have been able to successfully target cancer cells by using cells from a patient's own immune system.

CBS News medical correspondent Dr. Jon LaPool reports that that the small study produced what researchers call "proof of concept." It's a whole new way, of treating cancer.
Researchers engineered a patient's own immune cells to treat a type of blood cancer called chronic lymphocytic leukemia, or CLL.

CLL affects nearly 15,000 men and women a year and more than 4,000 will die from it.
For years, researchers have been trying to figure out a way to kill cancer cells using a patient's own immune system. On Wednesday, Dr. Carl June and his team at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine claimed a victory in that effort.

"This is a form of what I would call ultimate personal therapy. That's a wave of the future," June says.

CLL is a type of blood cancer. The only known cure is a bone marrow transplant, which is risky, and only effective in about half of patients.

In this new approach, scientists used the patient's own T-cells - white blood cells that help fight infections such as bacteria. Scientists remove the T-cells, genetically reprogram them to attack leukemia cells, and inject them back into the patient.
Researchers treated three patients with CLL. In two, the cancer cells were completely gone six months after the immune therapy.

"The clinical doctor involved in this was astonished and so were the patients that a single infusion of the cells could have such pronounced anti-tumor effects in the patients," Dr. June says.

This new treatment does have significant side-effects. The most common is a very bad flu-like illness, but so far all 3 patients - who had incurable leukemia and no other options - are doing well about a year after treatment.

This form of treatment is like giving a scent to a bloodhound. These T-cells have been given the scent of the leukemia cells and go hunt them down. The hope is to give T-cells the scent of colon cancer, breast cancer, lung cancer and train them go out and kill all kinds of cancers.

Drain-O...Flush The Tubes Out.

Yahoo!!! This morning, my doctor decided to remove the JP drains I’ve had hanging from my body for the last 12 days. The Doctor told me to take deep breaths, and relax. Then she grasped the tubing and started pulling… It kind of felt like you would imagine, something slimy going accross the inside of your chest.

I do think the tube had gotten attached to a couple of spots inside. Once those were freed, it was merely uncomfortable. But they are out and I am “Tube Free” for the time being.

Tomorrow I get my chemo port put in.

Mammograms Under 50 Years Old?

There is a lot of conflicting information out there about mammograms. Do you get one every year after the age of 40 or every two years? Do I wait until I am 50 if I don't have any family history or increased risks? Do I have to get them until I die or until I am 74 as recent studies show? Why 74 and not 75 or 89?

I guess I should be thankful I caught my lump with a self exam, since I did not have any family history and no increased risks (smoking, drinking etc). Some women with my history would not get them at all until at least age 50.

In the February 2011 issue of American Journal of Radiology, researchers found that starting screening at a younger age than 50 and at more frequent intervals can save more lives.

This news is huge!

The type of cancer I discovered with a self exam is called IDC (invasive ductal carcinoma). The tumor was located outside the milk duct. Wouldn't a mammogram show breast cancer before it became invasive, and if you catch it that early, chances are you would not need Chemotherapy?

The rationale behind the new recommendations is that mammograms create more life-saving benefits. But if you don't get the mammograms, cancer cells in the milk ducts can progress to the surrounding breast tissue. If you are able to catch it before it becomes invasive wouldn't chemo qualify as both unnecessary and anxiety-inducing?

Breast Tissue.........Brain Tissue?

The Doctors tell me taking out one doesn't affect the other but let me tell you, I am not so sure about that! This morning I was on my way out the door to pick up Samantha from her Captains Practice and I couldn't find my Cell Phone. Now I was leaving Lucas home so I knew I had to have my phone with me just in case. I couldn't find it anywhere!!! So inventive person that I am I used the home phone and called it. You will never believe where I found it..........in my back pocket!!

Two more days until my appt with my plastic surgeon. Hopefully the tubes will come out. Daily activities would be easier once these are removed.

By the way another pink hat arrived for me today. Compiments of my husband, and just in time for the preseason Viking Game on Saturday!

Bombs Away!

After breast surgery, you most likely will have one or more surgical drains in place near your incisions. Although these can be uncomfortable and inconvenient, they are worth your trouble. Having a surgical drain prevents blood and lymphatic fluid buildup under your skin, and encourages healing and recovery. You will need to measure the fluid daily, and learn to keep the drain clean, to prevent infection.

These drains look like hand grenades, and often have fluid measures marked around their outside. They may be called JP drains, or Jackson-Pratt drains. Denise has two drainage tubes, one under each arm, the drainage bulbs, and a measuring cup in order to take daily measurements. These tubes are held in place with a suture, so that they don't accidentally slip out and leak. That little suture holding the drainage tube in place is quite painful if tugged on.

I purchased a camisole type garmet for Denise. These camis have pockets that hold either a breast prosthesis or in Denise's case, the drainage bulbs -- great options for while you are recovering from breast surgery. They offer comfort, security (no dangling drain bulbs) and modesty, and keeps the drains out of her way, and ensure that they don't bounce around, get caught, or pulled on.

Nine days later, Denise still has her original 2 J-P drains. They aren’t as bad as a she thought, actually hanging off of her body, but she is getting tired of them and hopes to have them removed during her follow-up visit on Wednesday.

Friends, Family and Pink

Thank you Everyone for the cards, well wishes, words of encouragement and gifts. I have been recieving them daily and really appreciate all of them.

After my Daughter placed second in in the 5K this morning, my High School Friends stopped by today with a meal and alot of healing laughter. They brought all of "my favorite things" from my blog, including the 60's music and tye dye!!! It was GREAT! Although I am still not sure where the elephant comes in!!? :)

We had some old friends invite us over this evening. They went through chemotherapy last year and it really helped to get some of my questions answered by someone with first hand experience. It is nice to see them doing so well.

After coming home from the hospital on Monday, my sister came to stay, and she left on Friday. You can't even imagine how nice it was to have her here. My clothes are all washed (and the correct color), my garden is weeded and I have food in the fridge!! I am an "I'll do it myself" kind of person and she knew to just jump in and take over so I wouldn't hurt or overexert myself. She was a huge help!! I can't thank her enough!!

I am afraid of getting too much Pink!!! Every time I send Randy out an an errand he comes back with something pink. I now have my 5th pink t-shirt, 2 pink hats, pink sox, pink key chain and a few books on breast cancer. I told him NO PINK BRA'S!!!

The last straw was when he attempted to purchase this trash can on Craigslist!... Men !

Social Event: Shakopee Derby Days 5K

Came out on a beautiful morning to watch Samantha finish 2nd in her group !

Onocology Report

I had my meeting with my oncologist this morning to go over my pathology report and discuss treatment options. Overall the information the report gives us is positive. But they didn't change their minds on the whole having cancer thing. There is no spread to the lymph nodes and the cancer is in the low-mid part of the spectrum as far as aggressiveness/growth rate. Still a Stage I cancer, Grade 2. This, however, is where her agreement with the surgeon ends. Her take is that the tumor is 2.4 cm, which was its gross measurement, as opposed to the 1.7 cm that the surgeon suggested. She says the 1.7 measurement comes after too much handling and mashing and manipulating to be reliable, so as a rule they go with the gross measurement. That part doesn't change anything really.While technically the margins were "clean" they are a little too close for her comfort. She prefers a margin that is 0.5 cm from any cancer. My report shows that on one edge the margin is 0.2 cm and another edge is less than 0.4 cm.

Once we got past all of that, we were on to talk of chemo. I will have 6 courses of TCH regimen (Taxotere/Carboplatin/Herceptin) starting August 24. I will receive one treatment every three weeks, so chemo will take eighteen weeks ending around Christmas. I can look forward to a new better 2012 ! I will also be consulting with the radiation oncologist to get his opinion on the margins and any possible need for radiation after chemotherapy and possibly another opinion.

Damn Aussies !!

The other day I bloogged about the benefits of drinking a nice cabernet while devouring bits of dark chocolate in the battle against breast cancer. Now, I read in this month's Wine Spectator that the Austrilians's have a different perspective. Who and what reports do you believe nowadays.

An Australian health organization has issued an eyebrow-raising report urging people to abstain from alcohol completely in order to reduce their risk of cancer. The Cancer Council of Australia (CCA) released a position statement that claims 5 percent of all cancers in that country are attributable to long-term alcohol consumption. While past research has shown evidence of a link between alcohol and cancer, particularly breast cancer, many in the medical community believe the jury is still out on a conclusive connection, and some studies have suggested wine may decrease the risk of some cancers. Some experts and wine professionals are criticizing the CCA's report as misleading.

The CCA claims in its statement that any amount of alcohol will increase one's risk of developing certain cancers. The CCA suggests that people avoid alcohol entirely or, barring that, limit drinking to nationally recommended maximums to reduce risk. As for long-reported links between moderate alcohol consumption and better heart health, the CCA dismissed those, claiming the current research is likely flawed due to errors in methodology. That's at odds with the World Cancer Research Fund, which has said, "Modest amounts of alcoholic drinks are likely to protect against coronary heart disease."

Alcohol has traditionally offered a conundrum for health professionals: Do the potential benefits outweigh the risks? While several studies have found links between consumption and increased risk of some cancers, others have found evidence that wine in moderation can reduce the risk of certain cancers. The CCA's report marks a shift from current literature, which says moderate drinking can have benefits.

Bernard Levin, author of the comprehensive book The American Cancer Society: Colorectal Cancer, says the links are more complex than the CCA report implies. "Moderate drinking [two drinks per day for men and one drink per day for women] is moderately safe, but no intake of alcohol is safest," he told Wine Spectator. "On the other hand, there are social and cardiovascular benefits for low doses. Some individuals, by virtue of genes, are probably susceptible to any dose of alcohol while others may not be."

Sage Advice or Alarmist Report?

Put the Glass Down

Several studies have found links between alcohol and cancer, particularly breast cancer. Other studies have shown moderate wine consumption may lower risk.

The Cancer Council of Australia (CCA) released a report blaming alcohol for 5 percent of the country's cancer cases. It urged abstention, and dismissed claims that alcohol can improve cardiovascular health.

Not So Fast

Critics of the report question the CCA's figures, arguing that the number of breast cancer cases it links to alcohol is twice as high as other studies' rates.

Some scientists argue that the link between alcohol and cancer is not well-understood, and say it would be a mistake to ignore wine's other possible health benefits.

What to Blog About......

Sometimes I think I have nothing to say in my blog. Do I repeat myself? Am I boring all you readers? It could be like Seinfeld - about nothing. Hmmm...

Well let’s see, yesterday was so exciting. I did my exercises to regain arm mobility twice (like a good girl), I have been sleeping until 830 (very late for me), my sister is here, so we sat on the deck for a while and she  weeded my garden for me and then we went to try out some wheat grass juice. I think Roxanne may like it! Of course the ice cream store was next door so we had to sample their double fudge chocolate as well. Just a little indulgence needed after the healthy snack.

See, having cancer isn't interesting! It can be really boring just like real life. Nothing new. No Dr apt until Tomorrow.  My incision and crevasse (what else would you call it?) where my drains are located are starting to Itch!!!!!! Grrrr..... I know it means they are healing but I can't itch them, Grr, grr, grr.

Life goes on.

Plucking Under Arm Hair Causes Breast Cancer?

A person hears goofy things all of the time. Randy heard this from a co-worker just today.

"I heard from a co-worker that plucking underarm hair causes trauma to the lymph nodes thus preventing the nodes to serve it’s function..hence can cause breast cancer is it true???"

And no.....it is not true, because Oprah said so.

Neighborhood Socializing

National Night Out:

Last evening we ventured out of the house for the first time since Denise's surgery for our annual National Night Out hosted by our special neighbors Gary & Joy. Denise was able to get up and down the street with no issues at all and seemed to thoroughly enjoy getting back to a familiar routine of social interaction with the neighbors. Good food and laughs all around.

Later in the evening as I was doing my manly kitchen duties (eating cookies), I heard a loud Whoo! Whoo! and applause coming from the living room. Denise had just managed to reach up and take off her cap unassisted with her left arm!

Small Steps.......

Another Fantastic Kale Recipe: Tuscan Kale Salad

TUSCAN KALE SALAD

Food as Medicine
Kale is among the most nutrient-dense commonly eaten vegetables. One cup provides 1,327 percent of the Daily Value (DV) for vitamin K, 192 percent of DV for vitamin A, and 88 percent for vitamin C and is a Cancer fighter!

Ingredients
4-6 cups kale, loosely packed, sliced leaves of Italian black (Lacinato, "dinosaur," cavolo nero) midribs removed
juice of 1 lemon
3-4 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
2 cloves garlic, mashed
salt & pepper, to taste
hot red pepper flakes, to taste
2/3 cup grated Pecorino Toscano cheese (Rosselino variety if you can find it) or other flavorful grating cheese such as Asiago or Parmesan
1/2 cup freshly made bread crumbs from lightly toasted bread

Instructions
Whisk together lemon juice, olive oil, garlic, salt, pepper, and a generous pinch (or more to taste) of hot red pepper flakes.
Pour over kale in serving bowl and toss well.
Add 2/3 of the cheese and toss again.
Let kale sit for at least 5 minutes. Add bread crumbs, toss again, and top with remaining cheese.

Recipe graciously supplied to us by Special Friends in Scottsdale AZ. Thanks, Audrey !

Dodge County Relay For Life: This Weekend

One important aspect of the American Cancer Society Relay For Life is the opportunity for people to come together to remember loved ones lost to cancer and honor those who have won their battle. One of the most moving parts of the event is the Luminaria Ceremony.

As the sun sets over campsites and darkness falls, the night is brightened by the glow of illuminated bags called luminaria, each bearing the name of someone who has battled cancer. Some celebrate cancer survivors, while others help us honor and remember those gone too soon. All represent someone special who has been profoundly affected by cancer and the family and friends who continue to fight back in their honor.

I found out recently family cousins in Dodge County Minnesota honored me with an Luminaria at the 2011 Relay for Life Aug 5 & 6 at the Dodge County Fairgrounds. Thanks, for the caring gesture. Very much appreciated.

Chocolate: The New Chemotherapy?

If research says it, it must be true, right? I’m not so sure about that. I mean, some science says as little as one drink per day can up your breast cancer risk, and extra weight by way of stuff like chocolate can do the same. Yet new research presented reveals that Cabernet and chocolate are cancer killers.

Yes, food matters. I have been researching foods based on their cancer-fighting qualities, what we eat is really our chemotherapy three times a day. I get that — when it comes to blueberries, garlic, tea and a whole bunch of other healthy goods. But alcohol and candy? It’s all so confusing.
It might help to know that it’s actually red grapes and dark chocolate that apparently choke off blood supplies to tumors, starving them to death. Yes, red grapes are used to make red wine, but can’t we just eat the grapes? (Any smart nutritionists want to weigh in?). And the chocolate, well, the dark version is much better than all others, so if you want to enjoy, then, by all means, do! Just keep in mind that a portion size is something like 1 ounce.

So, even though headlines might have you all giddy about the permission you’re getting to indulge, you might want to think twice or at least commit to some careful moderation. But if interested, I can give you some fantastic recommendations on both Cabernet and Chocolate’s.

Pain Management Or Drug Dealer

Denise came home on Monday afternoon feeling good. Obviously, her surgical wounds--the cuts made on her breasts and under her arm for the mastectomies and axillary lymph node dissection, respectively--were a major source of pain. However, the removal of the lymph nodes under her arm also involved the removal/irritation of a nerve and perhaps surprisingly this nerve caused her the greatest pain. She was also very bothered by the "drain" that came out below her armpit. The drain consists of a clear, soft, plastic tube connected to a bulb into which fluid drained. Once or twice a day, she removes the bulb, measures the volume of fluid, and discards it.

Her pain medicine is a narcotic pain reliever called Norco which is simply a different formulation of the same ingredients (hydrocodone and acetaminophen) found in the more popular pain reliever Vicodin. She doesn’t have the strength to open the cap on the bottle, so she must depend on her husband to push these drugs on her…..hmmm.

She spent Sunday in a hospital and was able to get the shower and sleeping positions down, so when coming home those simple tasks would not be an issue. Monday she was feeling good enough to have her first solid food (pizza) and she started doing her post-operative stretching exercises. Exercising her arms is important to make sure that she regains full use of the arms. If she doesn't regain her full range of motion in the next week she risks permanent loss. Every day she is able to raise her arm a little higher but still can't get it up straight all the way.

My sister in law Roxanne (Denise’s sister) arrived yesterday and will be spending a few days helping us out. She and our special neighbors have been a big help in keeping our kids occupied and getting them to practices, appointments, etc. So much relief to have them here.

Once again, we want to thank you for your support. Denise loves the cards, emails, and concern...you name it, she appreciates the support that all of you express. We are both learning to accept the help that you offer and are very thankful to have you there for us.

Happy To Be Heading Home !

Well, I must admit, I’m in a MUCH better place than I thought I was going to be in … I had visions of waking up from surgery and not liking what I saw. I was a little shocked when I saw it the first time – but I had seen so many pictures of other women, that I was prepared. I am just so relieved that my nightmare is pretty much over -at least cancer wise. I realize I still have the reconstruction process/implants to deal with, but believing that the cancer is GONE has just lifted such a load off my shoulders. Even going through major surgery, everyone is telling me how good I look – granted I’m sleeping alot – lol – but I feel HAPPY. Even when I was supposed to be happy, I wasn’t – because the cancer was always lurking in my mind. I am FREE again, to enjoy my life, free to plan for my future, free to enjoy my kids. I can’t explain the feeling, just knowing it’s gone…If I had to weigh Breasts vs. Cancer, do I care that the girls are gone? (well, I do – a bit). Did any of that make sense? lol I am on Norco – taking a tablet every 3 hours, so I'm a little loopy, just enough to take the edge off, without really knocking me out. Bottom line, I am HAPPY…and I thought I’d be an emotional mess after the surgery. All of my friends and family are so wonderful….thank you for your advice and support and everything else. Waiting for the doctors to release me and Randy to come pick me up. I already did my drains – no worries there. HAPPY to be going home.